there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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