Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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