Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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