matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You can't special order awesome
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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