i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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