We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
