I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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