i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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