we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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