I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
This toilet bowl is my home.
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