My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
