moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
