Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
