Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize