just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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