I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Randomize
