I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Randomize