Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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