Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He better not be in your backpack
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
