How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
