you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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