After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
