One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
