it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
