Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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