i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
As shirtless as possible
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Randomize
