maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
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