I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
