Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
