the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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