Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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