1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
honey bunches of taint.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
