she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
