WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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