your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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