Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
What drink are we having for lunch?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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