I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
