It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We talked him into tasing himself.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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