Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
