Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
