just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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