saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
