I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
