my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
