Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
