You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
