I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
The Olympian is in my bed
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
