I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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