Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
