the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
