The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
