I think my vagina is haunted
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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