literally had 100 drinks last night.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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