she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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