i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
