Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
