Can i not drive my cunt home
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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