i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
