I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
