i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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