gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
