you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
