Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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