There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
