before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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