He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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