Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
