the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
