$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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