I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
