I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
